Tuesday

The Daily Mark Sanchez to Canton Watch: Nicknames

Day 2 of the Daily Mark Sanchez to Canton Watch* begins with nicknames.

No overrated chump respectable idol can go through hell on earth life in New York without a stupid made-for-media moniker clever alias. Thus far, Mark Sanchez has gained three ridiculous nom de guerres.

The weakest is “The Kid”, used ad nauseum for any phenom in any walk of life – from Mozart to John Elway to Billy.

There’s also “The Legend from Long Beach” – a no-brainer from the west coast that hasn’t yet taken hold in Manhattan, but give it a couple of more Sundays.

The nickname for the rookie that’s made us want to puke smile the most has come from Gang Green’s faithful. Emerging from Week 1’s 24-7 upset of the Houston Texans, when the Golden Boy threw for 272 yards and converted third downs as if they were nothing more than extra-point kicks, Jets fans started to call their new quarterback Jesus Christ almighty “The Sanchize”.

Who knew Ed the Fireman could be so creative?

Elsewhere, the DMSTCW took part in a live chat session with Newsday. Under the username sanchezfanforlife, we lobbed Jets beat reporter Rod Boone a softie: “Do you think Mark Sanchez is a lock for Canton?” Boone didn’t bite. Maybe because we didn’t blow him tell him what a great job he was doing, like upstatejetsfan09 did, just before gushing: “This year could be special … I, too, welled up when Sanchez got the ball from the ref at the end.”

Get the man a life Kleenex, please.

Boone did respond to some dude named Mike who wrote, “If you ask me [no one did] when I was watching the jets game on sunday, mark Sanchez looked like a young tom brady.” [Spelling mistakes are sic; Brady comparison is sick.]

In response, the scribe said: “Sanchez has tons of potential … He has some special qualities that you just can’t teach.”

Just like kids with learning disabilities. Most deities do.

*The DMSTCW forecasts Sanchez will be inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame in 2030 after an 18-year career during which he will accumulate: 111,186 passing yards (he was born on November 11, 1986); 6 Super Bowl championships (to go along with his uniform number); $1 billion in endorsements (including several deals involving teeth-whitening products); 11,550 panties (same numbers as the zip code of the Jets’ headquarters in Hempstead, New York, which incidentally, will be renamed Sanchezstead upon his retirement); enough pats on the behind from Ed the Fireman to make him feel uncomfortable; and 1 kiss from Suzy Kolber (willingly given).

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